What if?
by VasilisaTheAngel
Summary: Castiel knows he'll never really be normal or live a fully normal life. He has had to get used to that fact. But when his meets Sam Winchester and, more importantly, his brother, Dean, things start to change. Just not all for the better. Warnings: Destiel, AU, smut in later chapters, angst and more warnings inside.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hiii, new story time you guys! I'm so happy! Anyways, sorry in advance if this is a bit crap since this fic is at it's awkward first chapter stage. Also, all warnings are all for future events but I should probably give you the main list of them now.**

**Warnings:**

**_Destiel, AU, MxM, slash, future smut, underage smut (by US standards), talk of mental illness/mental health problems, self harm, mentions of bullying,_** _**mentions of suicide, angst, fluff, poor English and an British writer who has no real clue how the American school system works so bear with me.**_

_**I guess I should say that, for the most part, this isn't going to be a happy fic but try to enjoy 3**_

Castiel has always known that he was different. He had always known that he wouldn't really be able to live a full, normal life. This was something that his adoptive parents never even attempted to hide from him. But, although he had leaned to accept this from a young age, the teen still felt a kind of hatred towards, well, everyone for it. And this was just one of the reasons why he was currently sat in yet another monthly appointment with yet another psychiatrist.

The teen was bored out of his mind, his current psychiatrist (a small wiry man with sunken in, grey eyes and thin, mousey brown hair), had been droning on for what felt like hours about ways he thought would help Castiel deal with his "issues" while asking him how he _feels_ about it every few minutes. Cas didn't do feelings. Even thought he understood them perfectly in theory, they still made no sense when he had to deal with his, and other people's, in reality. However, even though the teen had mentioned this far too many time to count, the assbutt psychiatrist still felt the need to ask. Apparently it would help him.

So far, nothing had helped. Not really. Any medication that Cas had tried ended him up in A&E with horrible reactions to them (said reactions including screaming, hair pulling, scratching and sobbing), and the talking treatments that he'd been forced to try just made him feel worse. In fact, the only things that Cas found helped what so ever were school, his cats and his best friend Balthazar. And there were still plenty of times when these things didn't help at all.

The dull psychiatrist continued to drone on endlessly until the end of the session, never letting the teen get a proper word in about anything mentioned. It was infuriating and exhausting and one of the many reasons why Cas hated these sessions, no matter how spaced out they were. So, the second the session was other, the teen snatched up his coat and practically ran out of the room, into the reception where his adoptive mother, Becky, was waiting for him.

"Ready to go then Cas?" she said, cheerily, her mood seeming to be the complete opposite of Casitel's. He nodded, hurrying out of the building, coat flapping behind him.

The drive home was always the worst and the longest part, it took a half hour at least if there was absolutely no traffic. Today was a traffic day. Cas slumped against the window of the car, feeling horrendously motion sick and trying to distract himself with whatever he could. Becky seemed to catch onto this quickly because, despite know that she probably wouldn't get an answer out of him, started asking about his session in the hopes of forming a distraction.

"How was your meeting with Dr. Moldafsky sweetheart?"

"Same as ever" he muttered gruffly

"Did you tell him how well you've been doing at school recently?"

"No, but he wouldn't have listened anyway,"

"Are you sure? Because you've had a really good couple of weeks recently and I think it's important for you to share that!"

"If I'm doing so well then why did I need to go back there?" Cas challenged before trying to tuck himself away even more.

Becky sighed, she could understand the teen's frustration. She knew how much Cas hated the monthly meeting and wished that she could just say that he didn't have to go to them but at the same time she worried about him and as his mother, even if she wasn't biologically, she had to act in what she saw as his best interests. Yes, the kid had had a good couple of weeks and she could definitely see him acting more Castiel again but she needed to know that that could be kept up. It was hard enough for Cas normally without everything else that had happened over the past three years so seeing Dr. Moldafsky was really just a necessary evil.

Even just thinking back a few months, though, there was a chance that Cas wouldn't have been around to have this conversation. That was a thought that had terrified Becky and, since the first time she met him when he was just a toddler, she'd instantly fallen in love with the strange boy. She and her husband, Chuck, had then raised him with as much love and care that they did all their children. She had no clue what she'd do if anything happened to him. And that was the reason why they still needed these appointments.

Becky let her gaze flick off of the road and back on to Castiel, who now appeared to be sulking. She wanted to say something, but it was obvious that Cas was in no mood to talk about anything. No matter how trivial it may be. So the drive continued in silence with Cas continuing to curl up against the window as much as he could.

When they arrive home Castiel practically leaps out of the car, already fed up of being locked inside the big metal box. He scrambles through the front door only to run straight into his brother, Gabriel.

"Hey baby bro! Where you going in such a rush?" Gabriel asked with a lopsided grin.

"Back to bed," came the grumbled reply.

"Awww but it's the weekend! Surely you've got _something_ to do!"

Castiel sighed, he scarcely ever when out, especially not on a Saturday when everywhere was busy or after an appointment. He was fairly certain that his siblings would have known that by now.

"Yeah, I have got something to do. I'm gonna go back to bed and go on my laptop." He said before trying to push past his brother. Unfortunately Gabriel had spread himself out across the doorway and had flat out refused to budge.

"That's no fun Cassie! You need to get your self out, get drunk and find someone to spend the night with!" Cas' eyes widened slightly and he pulled a face before throwing himself at his brother to make him move

"No! No! No! No!" The teen yelled as he dashed through the hall and up the stairs.

Becky walked up to the door, looking slightly confused. Gabriel on the other hand was practically in tears. He cared about his brother, he did, but his reactions were really the best kind of entertainment.

"What did you say or do I not want to know?" The blonde woman asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah you probably don't want to know." The short man flashed his mum a smile before walking into the house.

Castiel flopped down on his bed the minute he reached his room, not caring to remove his shoes or trench coat. He closed his eyes and sighed, today had been hard; even by 'appointment day' standards. He felt like it was probably something to do with the fact that he hadn't been sleeping well and felt horrible nervous around the majority of people.

The teen the kicked his shoes off and started to curl up, trying to shut his eyes even more. He felt well and truly exhausted. However, before he could get comfortable enough to sleep at all, his pocket started to buzz loudly. Why hadn't he turned his phone of earlier? Why?

He pulled the device out of the cat pocket and begrudgingly went to read the text. It was from Balthazar.

**Hey gorgeous, guess what!? x**

The teen glared at the screen, really not in the mood for his friend's dumb questions and flirting.

**What?**

He tapped out the reply. Cas didn't really expect an answer or, at least, not one for a while. So he put the phone next to his face and shut his eyes again. Only to quickly be disturbed by another text.

**I just met someone new in the town where everybody knows everybody x**

This perked the teen's interests. He lived in a small town in Lawrence, Kansas and, as stated, everyone knew everyone and scarcely anyone knew ever came.

**Oh? Did you get a name? Or at least some info?**

The reply came almost instantaneously.

**Yeah, it's a kid in our grade who moved here with his Uncle and brother. Sam, I think his name was. Sam Winchester.**

Cas' face broke into a small smile; despite how nervous he felt around most people, whether he knew then since he was young or they were complete strangers, he quite liked meeting new people when it would be on a you-don't-know-me-but-I-know-everyone-else-and-bel ieve-me-when-I-say-you're-better-off-without-them- anyway basis. Also, it would give him a chance to make a new friend. Cas didn't have many of those.

The phone buzzed again with another text from Balthazar.

**Btw, just wanted to say sorry for interrupting what must have been your precious sleeping time xx. **

The teen's smile grew slightly wider with the last text and it stayed fixed upon his face long after he finally got his much needed sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: New chapter time! Anyways, so I played around a bit more with Cas' character here, I like to think that he wouldn't _just_ be a quiet, nerdy, workaholic, book word. So I decided that he can be a bit geeky as well. I know he's probably a bit OOC and I apologise for that but there shall be some very awkward, dorky, Cas. It's just in his element more here~**

**Anyways, enjoy~**

When Monday came around Cas had to fight himself to get out of bed. Like most people, he hated mornings with a passion and would much rather sleep through half the day. But, unfortunately, he cared about his schooling too much to skive.

Castiel shuffled over to his wardrobe, feeling like complete zombie before using nearly all the effort he could muster just to open the doors. The teen grabbed a plain white shirt, pair of black trousers and a blue tie, the usual clothes he wore to school. Occasionally he'd wear a coloured shirt or different coloured tie, maybe even a patterned one if he was in a particular mood, but today he honestly just couldn't be bothered.

He shuffled down the stairs and into the kitchen where Gabriel, his sister, Anna, and his mum were sat at the table. His brother was, as always, talking loudly when he walked in. The short man was going on about something to do with his bakery and, at a guess, Castiel would say it would either be him gloating about his success or ranting about how his staff weren't working hard enough. It didn't take the dark-haired teen very long to realise it was the latter.

"I mean, it's like he wants to get fired or something!" Gabriel exclaimed while shoving most of a slice of toast in his mouth. "To be honest, if it wasn't for the fact that he was family I'd have fired his ass long ago."

Castiel slipped into the seat next to Gabriel, swiping one of the many slices of toast off of Gabriel's plate as he did so. His brother made an annoyed noise before shoving the rest of the food into his mouth before Cas could nick any more.

"Is this about Samandriel again?" He asked curiously, nibbling at the toast.

"Yep, you got it in one baby bro," Gabriel said with a nod.

"Apparently he dropped a cake," Anna chipped in, sipping her drink.

"No, no, I don't think you get the _gravity_ of this situation sis! It wasn't just _a_ cake, it was _the_ cake! It was **huge** and took me a freaking week! It was meant to be for some wedding and the couple were gonna pay a ton for it! Not to mention that the bride's sister is pretty hot…" The shorter man trailed off with a sigh. "Remind me never to hire family again Cassie."

Castiel nodded, finishing his piece of toast and slipping off of the seat. He padded towards the front door where his bag, trench coat and shoes were. he slipped them on and was about to walk out of the door when his mother called after him.

"Cas, sweety, it's awfully early to be going! I can drop you off so you don't have to leave so soon if you want!" Even though she couldn't se, Cas shook his head before starting to fish around his bag for his phone and headphones.

"No it's fine," he called back, "I'm going to meet Balth there anyways." The teen heard a quite "okay" from Becky before he shoved the headphones in his ears and left the house.

When Cas got to school, he tugged his headphones out of his ears and scanned the crowd for the familiar face of his best friend. He spotted Balthazar fairly quickly, noticing that he was talking to someone he didn't recognise. It was a tall guy who, at a guess, Castiel would say looked about his age. He had long, floppy brown hair, a very lost look on his face and, for some reason, kind of reminded the dark-haired teen of a moose. He suspected that this was the Sam Wichester that Bal had mentioned the other day.

Castiel waved as he walked over, smiling as his friend saw him and gave a big wave back. The new guy, Sam, just smiled kind of shyly.

"Hey! Cassie! What took you so long!?" Balthazar called to him, still grinning.

"I walked, what do you think?"

"Walking? As in exercise? And here I thought you cowered away from the stuff!"

"Just because I like to stay inside doesn't mean that exercise scares me," Cas said, pulling his friend into a hug when he was close enough.

"Oh, by the way, this is Sam Winchester, you know that guy I was telling you about?" Bal said when they released each other and proceeded to thump the shy teen on the shoulder.

"Hi," he said, looking even more awkward now he knew that people had already been talking about him.

Cas didn't really understand why Sam would have reason to feel awkward in him and his friend's company. They were friendly, weren't they? He knew he'd not had chance to talk to the guy yet but he was already fairly certain that they would get along. So what was there to be worried about? Maybe this was just another one of those times when he really did have no understanding of other people.

Anyway, the dark-haired teen stuck his hand out to shake with the taller teen, a large smile was spread across his face.

"I'm Casitel, it's a pleasure to meet your aquaintence. I'm sure you'll settle in here very quickly," Sam shook his hand, still looking like he really wanted the ground to swallow him up.

"Uh, yeah, well, Balthazar has made me feel very welcome already," he said with a small nod.

"Yes, I gathered. Don't worry if he's a bit... overbearing. He's like it all the time," Cas smiled again, both teens laughing at Balthazar's disgruntled: "Hey!"

After that, the three of them slipped into easy conversation, Castiel finding that he had a lot more incommon with Sam that he might have though. With them both being younger siblings, they understood eachother's frustration at it. They had read mostly the same books and watched a lot of the same TV shows and films, however, many of them Sam had watched because his brother, Dean, had forced him too. Cas, on the other had, had takn interest in them on his own terms. Not many people knew this, since most of them though he was too much of a nerd to understand anything outside of work, but he was very into his films, TV, games and, most of all, comics.

It was a mistake on Sam's behalf to get Cas talking about his comic obsession and Balthazar had groaned when the moose asked about it. Especially since Cas had gone into a full fledged ran about how Batman was the best superhero and that he was also way better than Ironman in every respect, especially since he didn't hide behind a super suit. He also delved into the Thor comics, comparing them to Norse mythology and stating every detail that Marvel had gotten wrong. After that, he went straight onto villians, not letting anyone get a word in as he rambled on about how much of a good antagonist the Joker was and "why they ever though that getting rid of him was a good idead was a mystery". He also went into how he, and the army of fangirls, could sympersize with Loki and understood why he was so evil.

Through out the very one-sided conversation, it was very obvious which comics he read the most.

By the end of Castiel's rant, it was just about time to head into school, the blond teen asked Sam if he had his timetable yet so they could compare lessons. He had and they did. The three parted ways, Cas and Sam heading to Biology where as Balthazar had Geography.

"Oh, before I go Cas, I just wanted to know when you're brothers were coming to visit again," the blond asked before he went, referring to Cas' other to siblings, Michael and Lucifer.

"I have no clue and as if I would tell you anyway. I know you've been eyeing up Luci for ages," he said disaprovingly. Balthazar chuckled.

"Ah, you know me too well Cassie. But I can't help it if he has a nice ass,"

"No. Don't even start that again!"

"Oh but Cassie-"

"No! I don't want you talking about any of my sibling's asses!" He said before practically running off.

Biology had gone well, Cas thought; the lesson was interesting and, for once, his classmates weren't being loud or shouting things at him from across the room. He was also pleased to see that Sam didn't seem to have any catching up to do with work and what not, and that his loud-mouth classmates didn't seem to overly care about there being new meat for once. Normally they would be all over anyone new, especially since it was a rare occurance. Cas' next lesson however, English, didn't go so well.

Although the teen loved the subject, especially the creative side, his class was less than desirable. The moment he walked in, the noise they were making hit him like a punch in the face. His teacher also looked pretty overwhelmed by the teens, who were acting more like apes at this point in time, and couldn't seem to get them to quieten down.

The teen took his seat and the front of the class and hunched over the table, trying to make himself look as small as possible so no one would try to talk to him. His class was full of idiots who he mostly tried to avoid which was easy enough when he wasn't shut in a room with all of them.

"Hey Clarence," he heard someone say from behind him. So much for no one talking to him. "I saw you with the new guy earlier, what's he like?"

"I'd rather you leave him alone, Meg," Castiel replied coldly.

He had know Meg Masters since they were both little. She'd gotten along well with him back then but had always been more attached to his cousins since apparently he was too easy to mess with. Meg mostly hung around with those cousins now and tended to quickly change from being "best buds" with the dark-haired teen, or avoiding him like the palgue like most of their friends did.

He heard Meg laugh sarcasticallyand he turned around to face her.

"Oh why would that be Clarence? Scared I'll corrupt your new friend?" The girl grinned. "I think you should be more worried about Ruby and I _know_ she's already been checking your moose out." So someone else though he was a bit moose-ish as well, that was good. No, wait, this was bad. Ruby was wanting to get her claws into Sam? Crap.

Cas knew he probably shouldn't go telling his new friend who he should and shouldn't talk to but Ruby was seriously bad news. She was a bitch through and through, liked to get guys wrapped around her fingers then completely destroy them. She used people and, when she was bored, dropped them and just hopped along to the next one. She was nearly as bad as her sister, Lilith, who Cas had had the displeasure to meet a while back when she'd latched her claws into Lucifer. That was a whole other story entirely.

To make things worse on the Ruby side though, Cas has also heard rumors about her recently. Something about her taking drugs that her sister would provide her with and also that she was spreading them around her inner-circle of friends. That was definitely something he would never get involved in and prayed that none of his friends would either.

"Tell her to keep away from him,"

Meg laughed again, just not sarcastically this time. She wasn't a big fan of Ruby either and they very much had one of those relationships where, to eachother's faces they're all sweetness and pie but the minute they're apart they bitch about eachother insesantly.

"Oh so the kitten had claws! Don't worry though Clarence, I'll tell her. Wouldn't want your moose boy ending up around the skeeze anyways," she said with a smirk.

Castiel turned back around to face the board, noticing that the class had started to quieten down. Maybe now they could get some actual work done.

After English, in which, as it turns out, Castiel didn't get any work done because of his loud-mouth classmates, the day seemed to fly by effortlessly. He had two of his remaining lessons with just Balthazar, one with just Sam and another one with both of them. This coupled with Bal's humor and Sam's surprising sass made these lesson very enjoyable.

When the bell finally rang, signaling the end of the day, the three teens left together. Cas and Sam were discussing books while Balthazar slipped in crude comments every so often. Once they reached the front of the school, the moose of a teen pointed towards a black '67 Chevy Impala parked by the gates.

"Whelp, that's my ride," Sam said pointing to the car, "see you tomorrow then,"

The two other teens waved goodbye, as he shambled to the car.


End file.
